Forgiveness

Forgiveness is the KEY element in healing. To be healed one must first experience God’s forgiveness of sin. It is only as we have experience God’s forgiveness that we are able to extend forgiveness to another. We see in the Old Testament that forgiveness preceded healing.

Ps. 103:3

who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases.

Forgiveness was always part of Christ’s healing.

Mk. 2:9 Jesus said,

Which is easier: to say to this paralyzed man, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up, take your mat and walk’?

The prerequisite for healing was ALWAYS that they believed on Christ, and that their sins were forgiven.

To be healed ALL survivors of abuse MUST experience God’s forgiveness of their own sin. Then, by God’s grace, extend forgiveness to the one who has abused them.

I. What is forgiveness?

*Ask your group to define forgiveness.

The following are some suggested definitions of forgiveness.

FORGIVENESS: an act of forgiving or state of being forgiven.

FORGIVE: to cease to feel resentment against someone on account of wrong committed.

To give up claim to requital from or retribution upon (an offender).

Above definitions from Webster’s New International Dictionary.

FORGIVENESS: is being willing to bear the pain of another’s sin against you.

FORGIVENESS: is giving up ALL claim on the one who has hurt you, and letting go of the emotional consequences of that hurt.

Quotation by Corrie Ten Boom “Forgiveness is the KEY which unlocks the door of resentment and the handcuffs of hatred. It breaks the chains of bitterness and the shackles of selfishness. The forgiveness of Jesus not only takes away our sins, it makes them as if they had never been.”

II Why do we need forgiveness?

We need forgiveness because we are born sinners, and we have ALL sinned.

Rom. 5:12

“Therefore, just as through one man (Adam) sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to ALL men, because ALL sinned.”

Jesus Christ willingly bore in His body on the cross the sins of ALL men. When He died the debt for sin was ‘PAID IN FULL’.

Rom 5:19

For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.

Col. 2:13-14

13When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, 14having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us; he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross.

The debt for our SIN has been ‘PAID IN FULL” AT Calvary. Once we have received God’s forgiveness (vertical forgiveness), we are then able to forgive others (horizontal forgiveness).

III Why should we forgive?

In order to understand forgiveness, we must first begin to understand God. Forgiveness originated in the heart of God. Forgiveness is the key to the loving heart, and to fully comprehend the meaning of that we have to begin to comprehend the heart of God.

*Have your group read Matt. 18:21-35

In this parable Jesus gives us specific teaching regarding forgiveness.

*Here are some suggested questions to ask your group.

1. How many times did Jesus say we are to forgive?

2. What did He mean by 70×7?

3. Who does the king represent?

4. Who does the slave represent?

5. What happens if you refuse to forgive someone who has wronged you?

6. Who are the torturers Jesus refers to at the end of this parable?

7. What does this parable teach us about God’s plan of forgiveness?

Answers to Questions:

1. When we are the offended one, Jesus Himself said, we are to forgive 70×7 times.

2. 70×7 denotes limitless forgiveness. Forgiveness must occur an infinite number of times.

3. The king is a picture of God forgiving the sinner for the great debt of sin.

4. The slave is picture of man NOT forgiving his fellow man.

5. If you do not forgive someone who has wronged you, you will be turned over to the torturers.

6. The torturers are evil spirits that are given legal right to be there because of the sin of unforgiveness. In the Greek, torturers’ means spiritual torment.

7. God extends to us forgiveness, so THAT we in turn can forgive those who sin against us.

This parable carries a vivid warning to every Christian. Each child of God has been forgiven an incalculable debt of sin that he could NEVER possibly pay. Yet some Christians refuse to forgive a fellow slave for a much lesser debt for sin. We cannot harbour unforgiveness in our hearts and at the same time be a true child of God. When we choose NOT to forgive we will find ourselves imprisoned, just as the slave of this parable.

IV Who do we have to forgive?

*Ask your group who we have to forgive.

We have to forgive:

A. God

Many abuse victims blame God for allowing this to happen, and are angry at God for not stopping the abuse. It may become necessary for them to forgive God, Who they perceived has treated them unjustly.

It MUST be clearly understood that God NEVER sins. We do not have to forgive Him for sinning against us. The problem is our distorted perception of what God has done to us. It is NEVER God who has abused us, rather it is man who has abused.

God in His sovereignty has allowed man to make choices for evil. However, man’s sinful choices which affect us, NEVER derail God’s plan of ultimate good for us.

B. others

We have already shown in the Matt. 18 parable the necessity of forgiving others, as we have been forgiven by God. In fact, we MUST forgive others if we are to experience God’s forgiveness in our own lives, e.g. Abuser, care person who should have protected them.

Matt. 6:14-15

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

When we do NOT forgive another we are literally bound to that person. Nothing BUT forgiveness will unlock the chains that bind. Unforgiveness is the chain that binds us to the past.

C. Self

We MUST forgive ourselves. We cannot condemn and continue to punish ourselves for that which our loving Father has chosen to forgive. Forgiving ourselves simply means we accept God’s forgiveness for our sin, and we begin to live in the light of that.

Failure to forgive ourselves is sin in itself. What we are really saying is, “God’s forgiveness is not good enough. I have to continue to punish myself.” It is a matter of appropriating and making real in our own lives what God has done for us.

V WHERE does forgiveness lead?

*Ask your group where they think forgiveness leads?

Forgiveness is the pathway to FREEDOM in our lives. Forgiveness also leads to healing wholeness.

Forgiveness leads to:

A. Freedom from:

-anger -guilt -shame

-fear -rejection -rebellion

-resentment -unforgiveness -root of bitterness

B. Healing

– spiritual

– emotional

– mental

C. Breaking of generational bondage

D. Restoration of relationships and communication with:

– God

– others

-self

E. Releasing of individuals to live victoriously.

VI WHEN do we forgive?

*Ask your group when it is important to forgive.

We should forgive as quickly as possible. We should keep short accounts with God and others. While we are sitting around calculating the cost, we are paying the price.

Eph. 4:26-27

In your anger do not sin”d : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold.

Eph. 4:32

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Col. 3:13

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

When unforgiveness is ongoing (i.e. the sin is repeated), such as in sexual abuse it becomes increasing difficutl to come to terms with forgiveness. However, we still must forgive.

VII How do we receive God’s forgiveness?

A. Confess sin

We must agree with God that what we have done is sin. We name the sin, that is calling it what God calls it.

1 Jn. 1:9

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

B. Take responsibility for that sin.

C. Tell God that we are willing to make restitution where necessary.

D. Make every effort to be reconciled with our brother.

Matt. 5:23 (refers to when you are the offender)

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

E. Thank God for the blood of Jesus which cleanses, and accept forgiveness on the basis of grace, not merit.

Eph. 1:7

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace, that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, 9 he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ,

F. Take God at His word that you are forgiven.

Rom. 8:1

1Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,

G. Thank God for His Holy Spirit and tell Him that you want to walk by the Spirit, so that you will not fulfill the lusts of the flesh.

Gal. 5:16

If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

VIII How do we forgive?

It is ONLY because we have experienced God’s forgiveness in our own lives that we are able to extend the same forgiveness to the one who has sinned against us.

There are five very important aspects to forgiving others.

A. We ask God to enable us to make the choice to forgive.

Forgiveness is made possible by the grace of God working IN and THROUGH us.

B. By an oct of our will we CHOOSE to forgive the one who has sinned against us.

Forgiveness is a CHOICE NOT A FEELING! We choose to forgive whether we feel like it or not. Once we have made the deliberate conscious decision to forgive, we DO it. We trust Him to make it a reality in our lives by the working of the Holy Spirit. It is a supernatural happening in our lives once we choose to be obedient to God in doing it His way. Then our emotional responses will fall in line.

C. We throw away the long list of grievances we have against the person who has sinned against us.

It is an unselfish act. We do NOT keep a record of wrongs.

D. We MUST release the offender from any obligation to pay for his sin (as far as we are concerned personally).

That is now between God and the offender.

Rom. 10:19

Again I ask: Did Israel not understand? First, Moses says,

“I will make you envious by those who are not a nation;

I will make you angry by a nation that has no understanding.”

This does NOT release him from facing judicial authorities. Our forgiveness of the offender releases that person for God to work in their life, making healing and freedom possible.

E. We MUST be willing to bear the pain of another’s sin against us just as Christ bore the pain for our sin on Calvary’s cross.

Sometimes this means we have to bear the consequences of the offenders actions for the rest of our lives.

Forgiveness is the process whereby We are healed and set free from spiritual bondage.

Paul states in 2 Cor. 2:11 that we MUST forgive in order that no advantage be taken of us by Satan.