Healthy Sexuality

*This page is under construction  🚧

How we develop in our sexuality affects how we see ourselves, how we interact and relate with others:

– physically

– emotionally

– mentally

– spiritually

Because of the nature of sexual abuse, there are always distortions in how we view and respond to our sexuality. The problems that abused people face regarding their sexuality are primarily mental and emotional in origin.

I What is Sexuality?

*Ask your group to explain what sexuality means.

Sexuality:

– The quality or state of being sexual

– The condition of having sex

– The condition of having reproductive functions dictated by the union of male and female

– The expression of the sex instinct

Sex:

– Human beings respectively designated male or female (gender)

– Intercourse or copulation

Above definitions from Webster’s International Dictionary.

God created us as sexual beings.

Gen. 1:27

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

Gen. 2:24

24That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

*See Chart: Sexuality involves the whole person.

Normal Sexuality: Appropriate function regarding sex within the boundaries that God has established for us as humans sexual beings.

We believe normal sexuality is:

– Expression of our sexual person within the confines of marriage.

– Expression of love in a sexual way between a male and a female within marriage.

– Expression of our sexual person within God’s boundaries if not married

II What is the difference between love and sex?

*Allow group members to express their ideas on this subject.

Love can be defined as:

– Deep devotion or affection for another person and/or for one’s family members and children.

– Strong sexual passion for another person.

– Sexual passion in general or the gratification of it.

– One who is beloved.

There are 5 Greek words for love, which help us to understand the different aspects of love.

1. Eros (GK)

– The love that more than any other kind, carries with it the idea of romance.

– Includes the idea of yearning to unite with and the desire to possess the beloved.

– Romantic, passionate, sentimental

– This is erotic love.

– This word is NOT used in the Bible.

2. Epithumia (GK)

– A strong desire of any kind

– To set the heart on

– To long for

– When used in the Bible it is translated DESIRE. The Bible Never calls this love, but it is used to describe an important aspect of love.

3. Storge (GK)

– Natural affection and a sense of belonging to each other

– Shared by parent and children or brothers and sisters

– This is familial love

4. Phileo (GK)

– Cherishes and has tender affection for the beloved, but always expects a response

– Love of relationship, comradeship, sharing, communication, friendship

– This is brotherly love

– While eros makes LOVERS, phileo makes dear friends who enjoy closeness and companionship

5. Agape (GK)

– Totally unselfish love that has the capacity to give and keep on giving without expecting in return.

– Exercised by a choice of the will and has no dependence on feeling

– It is a love of ACTION, not emotions

– This is unconditional love, and sacrificial love

– Agape values and serves, phileo cherishes and enjoys.

In marriage there should be an expression of these different types of love at various times.

There can be SEX without LOVE.

There can be LOVE without SEX.

There can be SEX and LOVE.

However, in a normal marriage relationship SEX is part of love’s expression. We believe that the ONLY appropriate expression of our sexuality is within the confines of marriage.

III WHY sex in marriage?

God has given us the gift of our sexuality for several reasons.

A. Procreation

The sexual union was designed by God as a means for us to reproduce like kind.

Gen. 1:28

God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

Gen. 4:1-2

Adam made love to his wife Eve, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Cain. She said, “With the help of the Lord I have brought forth a man.” 2Later she gave birth to his brother Abel.

B. Pleasure

The sexual union was also designed for pleasure.

*Read: Song of Solomon 4:10, and 5:16

How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume more than any spice!

Song of Solomon 5:16

His mouth is sweetness itself; he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, this is my friend, daughters of Jerusalem.

Proverbs 5:18-19

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

19A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always,

may you ever be intoxicated with her love.

C. Expression of love between Male and Female

Gen. 2:24-25

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 25Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.

This verse of Scripture describes how we are to relate in marriage.

1. We are to LEAVE (SEVERANCE)

This means we stop being dependent on our parents or our in-laws. We become completely dependent on our mates to satisfy ALL our needs.

2. We are to CLEAVE (PERMANENCE)

The man is responsible for holding the marriage together, by “cleaving to his wife”. Cleaving means to be welded inseparably, so that each becomes a part of the other. This means totally committed to one spouse.

3. We are to become ONE FLESH (UNITY)

God commanded man and woman to be joined together in one flesh, which refers to the sexual union.

4. We are not to be ashamed (INTIMACY)

D. Prevention of Fornication

The sexual relationship within marriage prevents the unlawful satisfaction of the God-given sexual desire.

*Read I Cor. 7:2-5

But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Heb. 13:4

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

IV Why God designed marriage?

God designed the marriage relationship to be one man with one woman as long as they lived. He did this to protect us from the horrible consequences of sin. Before the Law came many OLD Testament characters fell into the trap of having sexual partners other than their spouse, e.g. Abraham.

God gave the nation of Israel the Law to define sin, and to protect them from sin’s consequences. Incest, adultery, fornication, homosexuality, bestiality are all defined as sin. Lev. 18:6-23. Then in Lev. 20:10-21 we have the penalty for committing sexual sins.

Even after the Law came in, many Old Testament characters were involved with polygamy, e.g. David, Solomon. Each of these men suffered serious consequences for their sexual sin.

In the New Testament we see that God made it very clear that the marriage relationship was intended to show us something about God and His relationship with us.

Eph. 5:31-31

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

V How husbands and wives relate within marriage

A. Wives are to be subject to their husbands

Eph. 5:22-24

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

This does not mean that the woman is inferior to her husband. It is instruction so that the marriage relationship will function as God intended.

B. Husbands are to love their wives.

Eph. 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church.

Husbands are to love their wives unconditionally and sacrificially.

C. Wives are to respect their husbands.

Eph. 5:33

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

A man’s basic need is RESPECT.

A woman’s basic need is LOVE.

We have shown that love and sex are sacred, and are important aspects of marriage. The properly and lovingly executed and mutually satisfying marriage relationship is God’s way of demonstrating to us a great spiritual truth. It speaks to us of the greatest love story ever told- of how Jesus Christ gave Himself (unconditionally, sacrificially) for us. He is intimately involved with, and loves His Body, the Church.

VI WHY abnormal sexuality exists

Sexuality began in the Garden of Eden with one man and one woman cleaving, in unity and experiencing intimacy. This was God’s perfect plan for expression of sexuality. This was NORMAL sexuality.

After the fall Adam and Eve’s eyes were opened to good and evil. Sin entered the picture and affected all aspects of their being:

– spiritual

– mental

– emotional

– physical

– sexual

We can conclude that as a result of the fall, the door was opened for Satan to cause perversions and distortions in our sexuality.