Humble Beginnings
I grew up in Sudan, in a family of seven, with two brothers and two sisters. I went to church every week as a little girl. I did confession, took communion and tried to fast for lent. I tried to be a good girl so that I can be on God's good side.
I remember feeling empty after doing all these traditions. I felt that something was missing. I remember as a young girl I did not know what was the point of all those religious traditions.
Then my oldest brother became a Christian and I noticed a big difference in him. As all little sisters do, I pestered him to find out why he was different. So one day he invited me to go to church with him. He had a little poster on his suitcase with Romans 10:9. While I was waiting for him to get ready, I read the verse-
'If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.' I prayed to God and said 'that I don't understand this verse but that I wanted to be saved so I don't go to hell. I knew I was empty and God was so far away. I knew that I was in danger of hell and I needed to be saved.
My brother took me to church that day where there was a revival meeting. I learned more about why I needed Christ and He Captivated my heart. I started to feel the joy of salvation. For 2 years after that I was in a spiritually nurturing environment. The church in Sudan was thriving and growing in the late 80's and early 90's.
The government of Sudan began to implement the Sharia law or Islamic law around 1990. They only implemented the law when they wished and targeted minorities. My parents felt it was time to leave the country. So in 1992 we sought asylum in Canada. This began a time of testing of my faith as a new believer. When we came to Canada the nurturing environment I had in Sudan began to change.
As a foreigner I began to experience rejection because I had an accent and I clearly dressed differently. I did not have many friends at school which led to loneliness. I began to think that God made a mistake by bringing us to Canada and that He was going to send our family back to Sudan. I was homesick.
As the saying goes when it rains it pours I was hit with one thing after another and I felt my faith could not last. I didn't know how to face rejection and loneliness and my family stopped going to church. My relationship with God became distant and I began to doubt my salvation.
One day someone suggested I contact the youth pastor at the church I was visiting. I listened to them and called the youth pastor. He heard my story and visited my parents. He asked if I could move out with a godly family, to work through the conflict I was experiencing, in a safe environment. I moved in with an awesome family from church and I began to feel the deep darkness I was in begin to subside
The Lord began to heal me through different means and continues to do so. One of my favorite stories in the Bible that the Lord used was about the healing of the bleeding woman. I wondered why the Holy Spirit was impressing that on me? Then one day I heard a pastor describe the shame associated with bleeding in the Jewish culture. When the woman was healed it wasn't only physically but Christ took away her shame.
I realized that the Holy Spirit was impressing that story upon me because Christ took away my shame and I don't need to be afraid of rejection and prove my honor.
But like Dory in finding Nemo- I find myself constantly having to remind myself of that reality. Christ takes away my guilt and shame daily and I don't need to work to earn His forgiveness.
My life hasn't been a walk in the park, but I love the verse in psalm 77:19. It says- Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.
I see that through His grace He has led me and continues to lead me through the mighty waters of life though His footprints were not seen.
